"BUM" or the worst names in retail history...

C: Okay, a new competition... 'Store most likely to ostracise English speaking customers'. ™


The Delft award goes to:

Sissy-Boy.



...who would also get the 'terrifying psychopath model' award. If we had one.



C: We've had strong competition in Turkey, so we'd like to award these guys a special mention (they were edged out for spelling, but we all know it's pronounced 'Rudie Mood'. hardly appropriate for a (family-friendly) menswear store:

D: ...suits you, sir!






C: But, without a doubt, the winner is our favourite cake store here in Selcuk, the wonderous, the wobbly, the alarming:

BUM



D: Mum... can we get BUM??
Not now darling..


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CAKE !! (eat) and CUTE KiTTIES !! (Do not eat)

D: Hello and welcome to my post all about Cats and Cake... hhmmmm... (clears throat cracks knuckles)


right


First ... PICTURES OF CATS BEING CUUUUTTTEEE








C: Check out the cool little guy in the back! He's the sort of fella you'd want around in an emergency (well, if he had opposible thumbs):




aaaawwww


oh and doggies.. (one with broken ear)






D: NOW THE CAKE

"cake cake cake cake cake"


Pre Cake (see transfixed gaze below)







D: ...EVIL CAKE

C(ake): HELP ME ESCAPE, EARTHLING AND WE TOGETHER SHALL ENSLAVE THE HUMANS! MWAHAHAHAHA!

D: bbbBBBBBBBZZZZZZZzzzzzzZZZZZTTTTHHH!!!!!







D: Crap cake ):

This was just mess, it was the sort of 'dessert' you would expect a three year old to make if they broke into the pantry ... sprinkles with GREEN STUFF and pancakes with CHOCOLATE and RED STUFF and and (you get the picture)

C: Yeah... it did look a bit like they'd killed something on it and covered it up with sprinkles.

D: Sparkle motion.. more like BOWEL motion...pffft!






P.S. no cats or cakies were harmed in this post

WeiRD BRRAAAAIIINNNS .. crap rides and HOT CHICKS GETTING ICED!!!

C: On our way home, we stumbled upon Useless park: Where crap rides go to die.






D: HOT CAR! and 80's CHICK with hot SHADES... man, she is gonna get ICED!!!!

C: We'll always be together in electric dreeeeeeams! Assuming your dreams involve instantaneous death-upon-impact at an amusement park.





D: I have no idea what is going on here... i think it had water coming out of it...

C: Out of it's BRAIN?

D: ...i want my mummy

Selçuk mon amour...

C: Oh Selçuk! This is our new favourite place. Or maybe it's all the lazing about, eating black mulberry ice-cream, strolling through amazing ruins, floating on the warm still waters at Pamucak beach... aah. But before you get any ideas of e-punching us in the face, it's still really hot, Really really hot.

We've taken to sleeping in, then being up late into the night when it gets a little cooler and said ice-cream doesn't melt/burst into flames. Oh, and the pension owner found a wasp nest in the air conditioner in the communal living area. What does homeboy do? Covers it with bin bags and sporadically squirts fly spray in. At least now I know what a bin bag full of angry wasps looks like. Yay. But who's to complain? Not I!

D's been taking gorgeous nighttime photos, but I'll let him talks about that little bit of magic...

More baklava and a rubby-dubby.

C: Aah, yes, so much more Baklava. And custard cake. And chocolate and pistachio creme brule. And pomegranate tea and stuffed zucchini flowers and fruit salad turkish delight. Seriously, I'm going to be the size of aforementioned Hagia Sofia (Hagia FatCat?)by the time we leave... I like to think I'm sweating it out, it's hot here. Damn hot! And speaking of hot, we went on a visit to a traditional Hamami, built in 1584.



Basically, you like on a hot marble slab for about 40 minutes. Then your... I'm not sure of the term... Masseur? Bubbleur? arrived and starts scrubbing you with a piece of jute. This is a little gross, a lot of dead skin comes off, but then you're rinsed off and given a firm massage. Yay! Then they did a lace sack in soapy water and blow into it creating a fountain of bubbles, one of the most joyful things my inner four year old has ever experienced. Then you're rinsed off again. Fantastic!

D: It worked so well that I became Arabic for about 22 minutes





Later that evening we jumped on a passenger ferry and headed over to the Asian side of Istanbul (the city is divided by water into three... ind of like Hong Kong). We're staying in the north, which is kind of boutiquey, the city centre and tourist district in in the south and the part that connects to the Asian continent is in the east. Not surprisingly.

The next day, we caught up with my old (he's not old... but he's been Gary's mate for as long as I can remember) and dear friend Luke and his lovely lady Clare. Claire's vegetarian, so we decided to go to a kind of self-service place where you could pick small plates. This worked out well as they server got very excited at the Vegetarian Challenge and was throwing plates at Claire like frisbees. We got upstairs, the place was packed and sat with a table of police. As soon as the sun went down (it's Ramadan over here, so no-one eats until sundown) it was a free for all. Okay, we were scoffing too and had only eaten a couple of hours earlier, but it was nice to be involved.

Istanbul!

C: So we arrived in Istanbul safe and sound. Hurrah! Although the jumps for joy subsided slightly when we met up with our homestay host. O--- means well, but... well, our room has a funny smell (bad), although it does have mesh on the windows (see? It keeps the spiders and snakes out!) (good), his wife is a sweetheart and lovely to boil eggs for us (good) but has terrifying dolls (bad). So all in all the 'Homestay' option wasn't the wisest.

D: I give you the best room in the house...best room (!)






C: But despite that bit of non-airconditioned weirdness, Istanbul is amazing, absolutely gorgeous.

The first touristy thing we did (aside from stuffing ourselves full of Turkish coffee, Baklava etc) was visit the 6th century Basilica cistern. We didn't know what to expect, but as you head down into the cool marble chamber right under the city the non-hot is impressive enough, let alone this amazingness:

D: You arree my cistern... and III luurve youu..



C: For some reason (no, really, they don't know), two of the columns are supported by the heads of our favourite Gorgon, Medusa.





D: NO!
Cheep skate Italians were stealing money from the Medusa wishing pond... but they got turned into scones





C: Next up, Hagia Sofia. This was the Cathedral of Constantinople until 1453, then it was converted into a Mosque. What's interesting is that it still has gorgeous Christian murals.

D: et lux in tenebris lucet, et tenebrae eam non comprehenderunt












D: NICE LIGHTING! Copperart be DAMNED!!

Dutch 'food'...

C: Okay, that's misleading, we had some amazing food in the Netherlands. We also had some truly scary foodstuffs.
Take the Kapsalon. Kap Salon means Hair Salon in Dutch. The folk myth goes that one day a guy who worked at the local Hairdressers walked into a Doner shop and ordered a pile of doner meat on chips, drenched in various condiments with miscellaneous salad on top:



What am I talking about? They're actually amazing. And the dual meaning leads to much hilarity:



Yes, that's a Jazz Centre in The Hague next to a place offering a Kapsalon Massage. But closer to home, we were recommended a fine dining establishment called Billy Bear's. It may as well have been called Dodgy Shit:



Featuring terrible food, millions of stuffed bears and Jake Gyenhall from Brokeback Mountain:



etc.etc. Although we should have taken the glowing, demonic bear logo as a sign.